I am clueless when it comes to guys.
(sexy flirtatious waiter) May I take your order?
(oblivious me) Um, yes. I’ll have the seafood combo. Thanks.
(waiter) Excellent choice. Would you care for some more water?
(me) Oh yes. Thank you.
I made it through one full glass of water that night. Every time I took so much as a sip. BAM! Either the busboy or the waiter materialized to pour some more.
And I just thought they were enthusiastic about their job. Seriously. I hadn’t even heard of refilling some ones water constantly when you thought they were attractive.
After another incident of this “flirt blindness” my friend said to me.
“Heather, you always complain about guys never noticing you, and then when they do, you’re oblivious!”
To which I responded. “They need to be more obvious.
(Brittany) *stare* They stopped the car, rolled down the window, and WINKED at you! You don’t get any more obvious than that!
(me) They could have honked.
Although to be honest, I don’t think honking would have worked. I probably would have continued on my way, not looking at their van wondering... Huh, traffic doesn’t look that bad...
In my entire life I’ve only been sure a guy liked me four times. I’ve been asked out by a guy and not been sure he liked me! Anyway time one, I caught one of my friends staring at me, and when he’d noticed I caught him he said, “Did you know one of your pupils is bigger than the other?”
Sadly that’s not what convinced me he liked me. Yeah, not even that could break through my shell of cluelessness. No, it was when we were picking study partners for the exam. We paired up and put our desks together.
(me) So now what do we do?
(Dan) Now, we study each other.
(me) Uh, (turns) Hey Paul! Want to join our study group?
Time two: I was at a party and I met this guy, and he seemed really nice and complementary (this did not set off any warnings in my head that he might be interested. Him asking for my phone number didn’t even strike me as anything odd). Anyway, so one of my friends had made flan, and I wasn’t a fan of the texture, but I did like the taste so I just had a chunk of it on my spoon and was licking it. He chuckled.
(Me) Does my tongue amuse you?
(Eli) The word definitely starts with an A.
(Me) *slowly puts spoon in cup and shuts mouth*
Time number three: Halfway through prom, when my date asked me to be his girlfriend. This was after he’d already asked me, we’d gone on a date, and he’d given me several rides home from school.
How thick am I? Very.
Time number four: After I started going out with my prom date, one of my guy friends suddenly got really glum. I mean, he still shared his desserts at lunch with me, but he seemed sad. This struck me as a little odd, but I wasn’t convinced he liked me. Then came this in the middle of lunch:
(Tyler) *glumly* So, you and Murray still going out.
(me) yeah.
(Tyler) *still glum* Oh, that’s cool.
So, yeah. I really need to start noticing when a guy likes me. Especially since, well, I might like one. It’s kind of awful since I can’t actually bring myself to attempt a conversation with him though. So basically, I need help on all relationship fronts. Joy!
